Troll’s Hole

I am not posting because I am stuck in Telluride and have put in over 130 hours at work in the last two weeks.

Which is to say that I am tired, very tired.

Other than that, I am happy as a dog eating cat shit from the litter box.

Seasons Greetings from the Yeast Clan,

Hello, one and all! We all hope you have had a wonderful year. We want to see you all healthy and happy again at the end of the next year.
Now on to the news; Dale finally quit his job to pursue the rocket fuel project full time. He is making progress, but the whole house still smells of horse excrement. How he intends to get fuel from pooh is beyond me, but he seems confident.
The twins graduated from elementary school this summer with only one “D” each. We are so proud of them that we could almost smile. We still have not cleared up who actually set fire to the science teacher. He occasionally calls, but tries to respect the restraining order that we finally had placed on him. With all that horrible scaring, he will never teach again, he scares the shit out of the kids.
Dale’s sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, finally putting to rest the tales that she was ‘just a bitch’. She is heavily medicated now and no longer making life for those around her a living hell. Now she smiles a lot and only drools for a short while after she remedicates. We are all happy with the new Denise and hope her a happy Holiday. We may even forgive her for setting David’s house on fire last year.
Danny’s surgery progresses and he expects to be a real girl in the coming year. Hormone therapy has removed most unwanted facial hair, but he claims that his periods are still erratic. We all take that phrase as a metaphor for something, but no one knows for what. No one in the family understands him at all, but being family, we all stand behind him in his quest for happiness. Good luck, Danny!
Speaking of standing behind, Junior’s buttonhole finally exploded, putting him in the hospital with third degree burns and secondary infections. We all told him that something was wrong, but he always a stubborn child. The doctors tell us that he was lucky, and that a man in Ohio actually destroyed his whole house with explosive flatulence. He died on the accident, so we should all feel lucky for Junior!
Cecil was very nearly successful in his sexual harassment case until he let his mouth get ahead of his brain and claimed that he had had her baby and was raising it without her knowledge. The judge immediately ruled him out of his mind and dismissed the case. Cecil is now living off the state and considering a new lawsuit against the baby-sitter that he had 16 years ago that accidentally let him see her pee. Good luck Cecil and ‘Don’t bend over to pick up the soap’.
Looking back, I see that unwanted fires were the theme for this year. Far better than last year when it seemed that everyone was finding cars in unusual places. Grandma Yeast still finds glass in her bourbon occasionally. Whether imaginary or not, it still upsets her so much that she pees her chair. We finally gave up on that smell problem and had her wrapped in plastic. The people at the home take her out as often as they can and hose her down. They are grateful that the chair is now being deodorized and can now enter her room without a gas mask. They are very understanding at the home and we all love her and them very much.
That about it for this year’s newsletter. Remember that we love you all and want to hear from you as often as possible. Send money if you can.

Love
The Yeast Family